dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
