i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
