Already got asked if we're dating
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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