Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
please come you make the beer taste better
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
