i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
