What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
