I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
