His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
