I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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