the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
