listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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