There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
