I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
