Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
