Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
