This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
