Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
