Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
