i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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