Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize