Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
