Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
time to smoke my breakfast
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
