He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize