God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
