I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
