Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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