My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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