come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
