Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is wine microwaveable?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
