no, he came in my armpit
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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