He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
