Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
