I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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