so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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