i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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