It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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