I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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