I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
In America we eat man semen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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