dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize