Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I skipped work to stalk him.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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