I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
