am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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