Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
