Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
