Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
