I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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