im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
