Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
