You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
