so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
