Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
