Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize