Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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