Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
