Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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