he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
