At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
