he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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