I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
