At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
