Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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