I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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