One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
