Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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