I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it's great music for shaving your balls
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
