Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was like eating out sand paper
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize