Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
