whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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