We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize