I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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