tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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