Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
