I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
