she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
