so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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