I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize