i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
