Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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