took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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