My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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