kristin has been a bad kristin
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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