Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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