he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
