Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
