You made me cry and you don't even care
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
