she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
