i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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