haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
