would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
