I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
