tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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