I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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