Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize