Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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