I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
