I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
