i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
