So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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