my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
