The maid of honor just puked.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
