i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
