Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
FUCK WHALES
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