The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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