Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
