Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she woke up with a sticky ear
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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