I accidentally burped into my bong.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
